Pain claws it's way out

Heart to face

Pain does not make you ugly

it only creates an ugly mask for you to hide behind

Another excuse to be shy

Another excuse to say your depressed

"Have heart my dear

we're bound to be afraid"

But i'm not she said

i'm not afraid to be hurt for your sake

Afterall my feelings are my problems

you need not concern yourself with them

But you are what i feel

and you are making yourself a problem

not in my eyes, but in your own

that hurts more than i can say

The words play in my head

and bubble close to my lips

Love is'nt some arrow from cupid

it's more like a bite from a rabid dog

Your crazy, everything inside you foams at your lips

Your afaid of water

Even if you can't see me right now

I feel you, closer than before

I remember, more than you'd like me to

That is all i could ever hope to do

In these last moments of madness

my last memories of you.

THE PHOTOGRAPH

As we learn to believe in miracles again

You gently let go of my hand

You back away into your pain

And i realise i've lost you again

You don't care about the lives you've made a difference to

You lost your sight

I'm just a mirror

A reminder of your past

So you've found a way to forget it all

Sacrifice me because i made you fall

It's happening so fast

You slash and burn

Break the glass

That's all i am to you now

A photograph.

Idiosyncrasy 1.0

The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean -
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition.- Robert Frost



He smiled at me, i knew at once there was something wrong. The contrast this time time was not in his features by race but by expression. How could those narrow slits of eyes and wide pink mouth bear to be on the same face right now? He was making them do something very cruel...something they did'nt want to. But who could i believe ? The harshness in his eyes or the welcome in his smile...either one could be false right now.
I was scared of this- my indecision.
Eyes or smile?
Eyes or smile?
Smile or eyes?
Smile or eyes?

I am so stupid! I did'nt have to chose, i should've have known . We were bound together and i knew of his nature by now. No matter how i view him, he will always be the architect of my destruction.
His charms, his allies. His intellect, a standby.
I still remember the first time he changed me. Before love came hate and sometimes before we were bound hate came after love. I realised they were the same.Just different names.....

' Athena always lived between two worlds: what she felt was true and what she had been taught by her faith.'- The witch of portobello

'O, were I loved as I desire to be!
What is there in the great sphere of the earth,
Or range of evil between death and birth,
That I should fear, - if I were loved by thee!
All the inner, all the outer world of pain,
Clear love would pierce and cleave, if thou wert mine;
As I have heard that somewhere in the main
Fresh-water springs come up through bitter brine.
'I were joy, not fear, clasped hand in hand with thee,
To wait for death - mute - careless of all ills,
Apart upon a mountain, though the surge
Of some new deluge from a thousand hills
Flung leagues of roaring foam into the gorge
Below us, as far on as eye could see.'


No one says it better than Tennyson......

I GUESS SO

It's been 10 days since i last spoke to you.I've gone past missing you.
I'm wondering how long can i keep this up. Considering in the past there have been times we did'nt speak for a month or more.
Except that time i really did'nt want to speak to you, this time i have nothing to say.
I suspect i would bore you with my materialistic conversation,never really talking about feeling or feelings.
Are you angry with me right now? I bet you are.
"why is your phone switched off ? Are you avoiding me?"
"my sim is broken..."
"Oh god! who broke it? DON'T LIE?!"
I never got a chance to explain and i was happy because i did'nt want to.Do you honestly think i would reject you that easily, we've been through far too much for me or you to give up. Or does that make it easier?
You have no idea , how my subconscious plagues me with memories of you, every minute it keeps playing , rewinds and replays everything.Each time i notice something new.
If you read this right now i wonder if you'd be amused by my obsessive analysis of our time apart.
This time our cold shoulders not really meant , just a little protection i guess.
And protection never really hurt.
I could hardly care , i guess about everything else.It's all really blurry I can't really remember stuff that well and i slink farther and farther away from reality .
I wait and jump onto the slightest hint of escape. I guess i should say i miss you and this is killing me, not talking to you. But i can't, i can't bring myself to do it.
I need you to be there but be silent .
Speak to me with your eyes, your hands,your lips should not quiver and ruin this.
For this is what i truly miss, unadulterated, heavy, silence.
Where there is no reaction, no action.Where all forces cancel.
Where i can watch from far away as everything crumbles.
Far too dramatic ? I guess so.


p.s-1313131311313131................
for evrything i could'nt say, for evrytime i choked when it meant the most, i know you never come here,I'm sorry at least I GUESS SO.

The chimes make no sense
Paper swirls and no one notices the ballerina inside
"you make walking in converse look like ballet"
Why don't your compliments make me shy?
no one ever noticed me like you
Buses caught and people flee like they know i'm not safe
dust rises higher than i've ever seen
Cover me just let me be, let mothers sheild their children's eyes
lower your head if you want to swear
no one catches you that way
Is it safe to look up?
i'm paranoid and i know it
can i help it you took my sanity and left
I should curse you for it
call down every blasphemy
I should hate you
but i don't.........why?
Am i supposed to overcome this?
i don't get it?
Do you feel the same way?
Is this turmoil mandatory before satisfaction? will i be more satisfied?
do i need it?
Self destruction feels more romantic than all the dried roses i kept
this ranting seems to go nowhere
In circles around my own head
I realise what i'm missing.....you
there's no one to shout at, no one to blame
no one to make up with ......
I can't believe it.
the very words that made me drive you away seem so much clearer.