Thursday, June 25, 2009


It's been 10 days since i last spoke to you.I've gone past missing you.
I'm wondering how long can i keep this up. Considering in the past there have been times we did'nt speak for a month or more.
Except that time i really did'nt want to speak to you, this time i have nothing to say.
I suspect i would bore you with my materialistic conversation,never really talking about feeling or feelings.
Are you angry with me right now? I bet you are.
"why is your phone switched off ? Are you avoiding me?"
"my sim is broken..."
"Oh god! who broke it? DON'T LIE?!"
I never got a chance to explain and i was happy because i did'nt want to.Do you honestly think i would reject you that easily, we've been through far too much for me or you to give up. Or does that make it easier?
You have no idea , how my subconscious plagues me with memories of you, every minute it keeps playing , rewinds and replays everything.Each time i notice something new.
If you read this right now i wonder if you'd be amused by my obsessive analysis of our time apart.
This time our cold shoulders not really meant , just a little protection i guess.
And protection never really hurt.
I could hardly care , i guess about everything else.It's all really blurry I can't really remember stuff that well and i slink farther and farther away from reality .
I wait and jump onto the slightest hint of escape. I guess i should say i miss you and this is killing me, not talking to you. But i can't, i can't bring myself to do it.
I need you to be there but be silent .
Speak to me with your eyes, your hands,your lips should not quiver and ruin this.
For this is what i truly miss, unadulterated, heavy, silence.
Where there is no reaction, no action.Where all forces cancel.
Where i can watch from far away as everything crumbles.
Far too dramatic ? I guess so.

for evrything i could'nt say, for evrytime i choked when it meant the most, i know you never come here,I'm sorry at least I GUESS SO.